Train Of Thought

I know, I haven't been saying much. I can't a keep train of thought going. I keep losing my way. The problem seems to be the medications they have me on right now. Pain meds are good and bad. Good because it takes my pain away. Bad because it makes me sleep - a lot. Not that I mind sleeping a lot. Especially when the medication I am on is a synthetic form of morphine. Morphine is great for taking away pain, but it does it makes you very sleepy. Sometimes my posts got so few and far between, my Facebook followers wondered aloud online if I was alive. I tried to reassure them I'm still here.

The latest addition to my wardrobe is a "pain pack." I wear it 24/7 to relieve my pain. It was a necessary step. It sends morphine in a constant supply to my bloodstream. I'm also able to press a button for "boosts" as needed. I try to avoid those, as they make me lose my train of thought. They send me straight to bed, as well.

I also find myself using a walker these days as well. I call it my "Speedster." It's not fast, but it is a great help getting in and out of chairs.

My living space is shrinking. I don't use the stairs much anymore. I'm pretty much confined to my bedroom, bathroom, and the bottom level of our house. I'm no longer allowed to get up to use the bathroom by myself at night, either. I can't get out of bed without help anymore. I'm pretty helpless.

I've also had to learn the challenges of assisted showering. That's the hardest part for me. I may need an assistant for that soon. Sharon helped me with a shower this past week, but Hospice can supply me with a CNA (Certified Nurses Assistant) who could help me with that in bed, like a massage. I may need that. It's hard for me to get clean on that shower stool.

I tried an air mattress in bed but didn't like it, so I'm changing back to the foam mattress I was using before today. They should have someone here to change it for me today. That's one good thing about Hospice, they're fast.

With the nice weather, its been possible to have meals outside, which has expanded my living area a bit. When you're limited to three rooms, I'll take what I can get.

I have to say something about Sharon. She's been amazing. For one thing, I had no idea how physically strong she is. Every time I need to be lifted into my walker, she does it. But that's just one way she "lifts me up." In an instant, it seemed, we went from me still being able to take care of myself most of the time to not being able to get out of bed without help. She's not missed a step. Soon, she will need help with me around here, at least some of the time. But you wouldn't know it when you talk to her.

I will need to wrap up this book soon, and our life together. But I can tell you one thing for sure. I would never have have made it this far without her.

So though I didn't intend for this to become a "Goodbye post," or the ending to this book, maybe that's what it should be. It doesn't seem like I'm gonna get any sharper, so here goes. I love my wife. I have loved my life. I love my Lord, Jesus Christ. I love the ministry this document has become. It's my sincere hope and prayer that this ministry will continue. So in that spirit, let me close with this passage of scripture.

Psalm 150 is a defining psalm for many musicans because it names so many of the early instruments. I wish I knew what their version of the resounding cymbals sounded like, but I'm sure it was much different than ours.

Psalm 150

Praise the Lord.

Praise God in his sanctuary;
    praise him in his mighty heavens.
² Praise him for his acts of power;
    praise him for his surpassing greatness.
³ Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
    praise him with the harp and lyre,
⁴ praise him with timbrel and dancing,
    praise him with the strings and pipe,
⁵ praise him with the clash of cymbals,
    praise him with resounding cymbals.

6 Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.

Unlike our prayers, They began by praising God in his mighty heavens,  for his acts of power and for his surpassing greatness. I didn't even get around to those things today, did you?

I'm sure the instruments listed in verses 2-5 sounded much different than what we have today, but the spirit with which they were were played was much the same.

But then they got to the closing line every congregation who quotes this Psalm should do so with great enthusiasm;

6 Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.

I still have breath in my body, therefore I will praise the Lord.