It happens to all of us as we age, but it's happening to me at an accelerated pace. What I used to do easily I now need help to do. I am slowing down. It's become noticeable when I'm with people. My reaction times are slow. This has resulted in a major milestone for me; I can no longer drive.
If I want to go somewhere now, even to the corner store, my wife needs to drive me there. It's a necessary precaution. I won't allow my pride to be the cause of an accident.
I also no longer cook for myself. It takes too much energy, and energy is in short supply these days. I am still able to feed myself, dress myself, shower, shave, and do all those other personal tasks most of us take for granted. But one by one, those will be taken from me as well.
My car will soon be sold with expired plates, and my driver's license will expire. No need to renew license plates or my driver's license when I can no longer drive. But honestly, I no longer have the desire to leave home much anymore. I feel more secure in my home, and prefer to stay here.
This is the opposite of how I've felt for most of my life. I'm a social type, and have preferred to go out and be with people, even if it's just a run to the store. But my feelings about this have changed. I'm happy to have people come visit, but prefer short visits to longer ones. I'm not the social animal I used to be.
I tire easily. I take frequent naps during the day. I run out of energy easily. This is not the me I remember.
We have a new addition to our home; my hospital bed. It's not as comfortable as I was hoping for, but it will do. I already spend more time in it than out of it.
The loss of independence is difficult for many, but I think I'm adjusting to it well. It's easier to adjust to needing a ride somewhere when I don't have that many places to go. It's easier not being able to cook for myself when Sharon is here, ready and willing to cook for me if I need her to do so. She's a much better cook anyway.
It's a natural part of the process, losing our independence. But it's good to learn to depend on others. I'm just glad I have someone I can depend on. Doing this alone would be much harder. #waroncancer #bearingwitness