Friday, April 27, 2018

The Loss Of Independence


It happens to all of us as we age, but it's happening to me at an accelerated pace. What I used to do easily I now need help to do. I am slowing down. It's become noticeable when I'm with people. My reaction times are slow. This has resulted in a major milestone for me; I can no longer drive.

If I want to go somewhere now, even to the corner store, my wife needs to drive me there. It's a necessary precaution. I won't allow my pride to be the cause of an accident.

I also no longer cook for myself. It takes too much energy, and energy is in short supply these days. I am still able to feed myself, dress myself, shower, shave, and do all those other personal tasks most of us take for granted. But one by one, those will be taken from me as well.

My car will soon be sold with expired plates, and my driver's license will expire. No need to renew license plates or my driver's license when I can no longer drive. But honestly, I no longer have the desire to leave home much anymore. I feel more secure in my home, and prefer to stay here.

This is the opposite of how I've felt for most of my life. I'm a social type, and have preferred to go out and be with people, even if it's just a run to the store. But my feelings about this have changed. I'm happy to have people come visit, but prefer short visits to longer ones. I'm not the social animal I used to be.

I tire easily. I take frequent naps during the day. I run out of energy easily. This is not the me I remember.

We have a new addition to our home; my hospital bed. It's not as comfortable as I was hoping for, but it will do. I already spend more time in it than out of it.

The loss of independence is difficult for many, but I think I'm adjusting to it well. It's easier to adjust to needing a ride somewhere when I don't have that many places to go. It's easier not being able to cook for myself when Sharon is here, ready and willing to cook for me if I need her to do so. She's a much better cook anyway.

It's a natural part of the process, losing our independence. But it's good to learn to depend on others. I'm just glad I have someone I can depend on. Doing this alone would be much harder. #waroncancer #bearingwitness

10 comments:

  1. Still lifting you and Sharon up in prayer. It's tough on the rest of us to follow you through this journey (who am I to talk, I'm the observer, not the participant). So thankful you are able to maintain so much, and gracefully let go of so many "routine" tasks. May God continue to strengthen you (mentally , physically, and spirituality) in the days ahead

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  2. Thank you, Mark, for sharing yet more of your journey with us.

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  3. So thankful you have Sharon who loves you and is happy to help you. She's pretty special! Praying for you both every day.

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  4. Thank you for your teestimony Mark....ask your nurses for a Sandoz matress. It moves with you and provides comfort

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  5. Hi Mark. I have been following along on your journey after seeing you post in a Facebook group 3 years ago. My husband is stage 4. I think of you and your wife often. You have an amazing attitude towards everything and you handle it with such grace. I will continue to think of you. I wish you much peace.

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  6. Thank you for the update Mark. I appreciate that this is a use of your limited energy and I continue to read your progress with great interest.

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  7. Mark, as always words fail. But you are, and will remain in my prayers daily. I pray for Sharon as well. Again, thank you for sharing and pointing us all to Jesus. I pray His peace will envelop and keep you these coming days. Love in Christ my brother, Tim

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  8. Hi Mark and Sharon, I am finally out of the hospital after 31 more days there. I would like to come over for a short visit (I agree completely with short visits!) sometime this week once my immune system recovers a bit. It is my turn to come to you. With love, Scott

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  9. Thanks for sharing as always Mark

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  10. Still here, still reading and still praying for you and Sharon. Hugs

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