Thursday, March 23, 2017

Flight Of The Bumblebee

I like bumblebees. I like them for a couple of reasons, one of which is they're not aggressive like wasps or yellowjackets. We have a problem with yellowjackets here. I put out one of those yellowjacket traps every summer and catch hundreds of them. They're very aggressive, and can sting you all they want. And they want to very much.

Bumblebees, on the other hand, like honeybees, can only sting once, and then they die. So they're not very aggressive, and only sting at utmost need. I can water flowers or vegetables that a bumblebee is pollenating, and never have to worry that I'm gonna tick the bee off and get stung.

But that's not the main reason I like them. I also like them because of the old saying that it's aerodynamically impossible for them to fly, because their bodies are too big for their wings. But they fly anyway. This idea has never been proven, by the way, and has now become something of an urban legend. But never let the facts get in the way of a good illustration.

I asked a question in the support group I participate in most today. I wanted to see if there was anyone in my condition with a PSA as low as mine. Here is the question I asked:

I have a question for the guys here who are Stage 4, Gleason 9, on HT only, haven't had chemo, radiation or surgery, and so still have their prostate. Especially those on Lupron and Xtandi. What's the lowest your PSA has gone? Mine at my last test was .06, which seems an impossibly low number for a guy with all of those factors. Has anyone here had a number that low after not having had surgery, chemo or radiation, and have had HT only for treatment?

HT being hormone treatment. So far, nobody with all of those factors has reported a PSA anywhere near as low as mine. Some of my brothers have said they can't imagine having a PSA as low as .06, especially at Stage 4, and still having their prostate. It seems like an impossibly low number for a guy with all of my factors; no surgery, no chemo, no radiation, hormone treatment only, with a very aggressive cancer and being at Stage 4.

That makes me the bumblebee. It's impossible for me to fly, but I'm zipping from flower to flower anyway.

In my mind, there are two possible reasons for my impossibly low PSA. First, I haven't been on hormone treatment alone, as most of you know if you've been following along. I've also been on a cannabis oil suppository program. I began that on December 1st of 2016, and the full 90 day program lasted through February. I'm on a lower "maintenance" dose now, that I hope to stay on long term. Of all of the guys I've heard from, none of them have been able to add a program like that to their hormone treatment. And none of them have had a PSA anywhere near that low. I have to think that's a major factor.

Of course, I believe it could very well be a God thing too, but that raises this obvious question. If it's the result of prayer, why have the prayers of so many worked so well for me, but not for others who also have people praying for them? If it's God, does that mean God loves me more than he loves them? I don't believe that for one second. So while my faith in God is stronger than it's ever been before, I still struggle with the question, why does God heal some, but not others? See my post My Complicated History With Divine Healing for more on that subject.

I don't really believe I'm healed. It would take another bone scan, MRI, and biopsy to prove that. That great number may well be temporary. I'm pretty sure that's what my oncologist is expecting. But he hasn't had a patient go through a whole Rick Simpson Oil suppository program like I have. I'll bet he also hasn't had a patient with all of my factors with a PSA that low, either. I'll ask him that next time I see him.

I should update you on my weight gain program. After about a week, I've gained three pounds, according to our old scale, and just over four on our new scale. All I had to do to gain that extra pound was buy a new scale. The new scale can't be calibrated, and the old one had gotten flaky. But I'm keeping and using both until I reach 130 on the old scale. Then I'll know what that means on the new one.

My weight on both scales this morning

My next Xgeva shot is Thursday, April 6th. I expect to be up to my optimum weight by then. I'm looking forward to seeing my nutritionist Katie, and telling her how she helped me again.

One way or another, I believe God is the reason for my impossibly low PSA. Either he's shrinking my cancer by his own divine intervention, or a plant he created millennia ago is doing the job, in combination with conventional treatment. If it was the Lupron and Xtandi alone, a number this low for guys in my condition would be more common.

I do believe that God, in his providence, brought my wife and me here to Colorado back in 1978, maybe for this very reason. So we'd be living here in this state when I needed this medicine, among other reasons. God does all things well.

Before cancer, I was more like a wasp than a bumblebee. Prone to sting when I got mad at someone. Throwing out barbs like there was no tomorrow. But now, like the bumblebee, I understand the cost of those barbs, to me as well as the people I sometimes feel like stinging. So I'm more likely to extend grace, the way the bumblebee does. The cost of not doing so is too high.

I don't know why, like the bumblebee, I seem to be achieving the impossible right now. But I have a strong suspicion as to why that is. And I know that with God, nothing is impossible. #waroncancer

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

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