Friday, March 18, 2016

Not Zero

I have something serious to talk about today, but I couldn't let this date go by without commenting on a joke I made four months ago today. Very early in my journaling process, on November 18th, 2015, in my post, "Having Cancer Is A Full Time Job," I said the following:

This morning I weighed 124. Down from 125 yesterday, and 126 the day before. At this rate, I'll be down to zero by March 18th.

I had actually calculated what the date would be in 124 days, if I had continued to lose 1 pound a day. I wanted to see what day my weight would get down to zero.

Today is March 18th, 2016. I'm happy to report that I do not weigh zero today. In fact, as you can see, today I weigh just one pound less than I weighed that day, 123. That's what I've weighed for the last three days. While the overall trend is down, my weight appears to be stable for now. I just have to make sure I eat enough, especially if I'm active. Especially if I'm singing. Then dehydration sets in. But hopefully Gaunt Cancer Guy is still a ways in the future.

I've been waiting for four months to say that.

On a serious note, I have my appointment with the radiation oncologist this morning at 10:00AM, MDT. He's going to try to sell me on radiation treatment, but I'm not sure I'm willing to be sold. But I'm very interested in hearing what he has to say, naturally.

I've said several times before in this journal that, for the first time in my life, I can actually feel people's prayers. I think it's because I'm more aware of my need for prayer than I have ever been before. So I will very much appreciate and be able to feel your prayers this morning. Thank you!

If you're new to this blog, you're going to find that there's an intimacy to it because of the fact that it was started as a CaringBridge site. A community of a little over 100 regular readers there has really become a lifeline for me since I went public last October. They have been my support system in many ways since my diagnosis. So it might seem like I speak in a very familiar way to you, like you're family. That's because you are. And what I need this morning is my family praying for me.

Based on what I hear this morning, and what's discussed with my medical oncologist at a later appointment, my wife and I will decide how to proceed with treatment, or whether to proceed with treatment. All options are on the table.

So while I speak intimately with the group that's been following my journey from the beginning, I want more of you in this circle. That's why I started sharing this blog on social media. There is strength in numbers. You can start by joining my CaringBridge family in praying for me this morning. This is the biggest decision I will ever make.

But I am at peace about it. No matter what the doctor says, I trust God more than I trust them. I believe that the road I've been on up until now has prepared me for this decision. That's what this whole process has been about, to get me to a point where I can be at peace about this. At least that's how I feel today.

At this point, I feel like all of my options are good. It's my choice. But I want to make the right choice. That's why I need your prayers. That's why I need this family that became a community to become a city, a state, a nation. I know for a fact that I have thousands of people praying for me worldwide, but I need more.

That's why I'm so grateful that you're here right now. And I'm grateful that I don't weigh zero.

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