One quick update before I begin my topic today. My appointment with a nutritionist is this afternoon at 2:00 PM, MDT. I weighed 120 again yesterday, and I was very active; cleaning the house for company, running errands, etc. I also ate light, and did not get my protein shake for lunch. Dinner was a salad with piece of salmon. I added two pieces of bread. I also had a couple of brownies for dessert. But I didn't think that would be enough calories. I fully expected my weight to be less than 120 today, but instead, I gained a pound. 121 this morning. I'll take it.
Each time I post to this blog, and share it on Facebook, I go back periodically to see how many "likes" that post got. What I'm really hoping for when my cursor hovers over that link is to see that there are more names than they can show. If that's the case, at the bottom, it says. "and 4 more..." or however many more there are. I have to click on the link to see all of the names. What really feels special is when, at the bottom of that list, it says, "See More." I have to click on that to see the rest. In the share of one post, Not Zero, I had to click See More twice. That felt very special.
When a friend posts on Facebook, if their post is more than a couple of sentences, you also have to click "See More" to read the rest of what they said. I didn't use to click See More all that often. Now I click it almost every time. I'm much more interested in what my friends have to say on social media than I used to be. I want to see more.
And I am seeing more. More than I've ever seen before. That's what happens when you meet up with God's 2 By 4. The songwriter in me wants to turn those last three lines into a chorus! And I could, in about 30 seconds. But I won't.
In 1996, I wrote a song called, "Out Of The Comfort Zone." It's on my second album, Sin No More. In that song, I asked God to take off my virtual blinders that keep me from seeing the needs of people all around me. I asked him to get me out of my comfort zone. He never did, until now. Or maybe I never really let him until now. That's why it took cancer to wake me up.
But now that I'm awake, I see more than I used to. And the more I see, the more I want to see. I want to know what's going on with you, and how I can be there for you, if I can. I'll be honest and say I've never been that way before. Maybe if we were very close, but otherwise, I've been an absent friend for many of you. There's no way I can apologize enough for that.
There's one who I made a big promise to five years ago, and am only beginning to keep that promise now.
There are three more that I can think of right now, very close friends, who each have a young child that's struggled with health issues for their entire lives. I've been absent from them too, and now I'm desperately trying to make up for lost time. And time is the one thing I may not have.
I really hope it's not too late for all of these relationships. I hope I can make up for my absence with all of them. Because now I see more.
I got the nicest email from a close friend this week. She told me how much reading my blog is helping her learn about the Bible. She said she learns something Biblical every day here. I'm not sure I actually refer to the Bible every time, but I appreciate her saying that anyway. This is an honor and responsibility that I take very seriously.
I still write this blog mainly to help me deal with everything that's going on in my life these days. It's therapeutic for me. But more and more, I hear from people who are helped or find comfort in this blog. That changes my perspective a bit. I can't help but write with certain readers in mind now. She's one of them. I see more than my own needs being met here. I see more. Now I want to make sure there's some kind of scripture reference in every post, just for her.
So what does the Bible say about seeing more? Isaiah 29:18 says that, when the Messiah comes, "the deaf will hear the words of the scroll, and out of gloom and darkness the eyes of the blind will see." When Jesus was here in the flesh, he did, in fact, open deaf ears and restore sight to the blind. (Matthew 15:30, Mark 8:22-25, Luke 18:35-43, John 9) As life-changing an experience as that would be for anyone, I can tell you that opening our virtual eyes is just as important. There are none so blind as those who will not see.
The trouble is, for most of my life, it wasn't that I couldn't see more, it was just that I wasn't all that interested in seeing beyond my own concerns. But since God woke me up and changed my perspective, now that's of prime importance for me. Now I want to help more, because I'm more aware of you and what's going on in your life. I see more.
Often people marvel at the fact that, with everything I'm going through, I'm so focused on others. All I can say is, that has nothing to do with me. I take no credit for that. In fact, if it wasn't for the cancer, I'd still be just as blind as I was before. I'd still be absent from you, to my great shame. That's why I'm actually grateful for the cancer. I'd rather see more in my current condition than be healthy, and stay blind.
And as it turns out, seeing more translates to being seen more. Or maybe in my case, being seen translated to seeing. When you started loving on me the way you have, it just made me want to do the same for you.
But I don't just want to see more of you. More than anything, I want to see more of what God is showing me. And if you've been reading this blog, you know he's been showing me a lot. I'm not keeping what he's showing me to myself. I'm putting it all out there for you to see too. Show me more, Lord. Please.
I hope it doesn't take for you what it took to open my eyes. Don't wait until you're 60 years old and facing something like this to get beyond your own concerns. Open your eyes. The Messiah is here. See more.