Yesterday I got a text asking if I'd be interested in a possible worship leading position in a local church. My response was immediate and emphatic. Thanks, but not interested. The mere thought almost makes me shudder. Just the idea brings back that feeling of burnout that I talked about in my previous post, "2015."
While I very much enjoyed and am grateful for the time I had as worship leader at Hope Fellowship, I can say that as of now I have absolutely no desire to get another gig. I feel like I'm done with that career. I feel "released," as you sometimes hear evangelicals say. I feel like I've done my job, and now I get to retire. And I couldn't be happier about it.
And that doesn't just apply to paying work. For our entire adult lives, my wife and I have been very involved in our church. Lots of volunteering in the music program. That's over too. For the first time in our lives, we're just going to church like normal people, and it's wonderful. Wonderful not to be responsible for anything. Wonderful not to have to make sure the service runs on time. Wonderful having no Christmas rehearsals. By the way, the same people who sacrificed their Christmas season so you could have a nice Christmas Eve service? They started working on Easter the next week. That's not an exaggeration. I have friends who did that very thing this past season.
I asked our friend Nikki when she was here if she thought I was crazy because I wouldn't change a diagnosis of metastatic cancer if it meant I had to get another job. She said, yes, I am crazy, but not for that reason. I expected her to say that. She said it's perfectly natural to feel feel like you're done. That is how I feel.
While I do continue to do a minimal amount of work, and while I want to make sure that my musical and ministerial legacies are in good hands for the future, for all intents and purposes, it is my sincere heart's desire to be done. Not done with life, but DUNWORKIN.